1. |
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did you hear the latest pile album?
not a stinker on it
I feel like I've never done anything good
but I said "fallow times are times too"
steve said "I feel infinity bad times two"
if i could've made something good I would have by now
i emailed rick
said "do you want to play with us some time?"
he emailed me back
said "man our summer's looking pretty busy"
i said "that's cool, man
busy is a good problem to have.
that's cool, man,
i'll catch you later."
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2. |
Sweet Death
03:34
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blue as a bruise today
and getting bluer
steve can see what's coming
and steve doesn't like the looks of it
steve knows
he's got to change
but he can't
seem to figure out how
if he
could, don't you think
he'd have changed it --
changed it by now?
gray as a brain today
and blood barrier breaking
mouth rides trains up and down through malden
and steve calls to ask him a question
"mouth, do you
think i'll change?"
"thou shall betray thee --
if you don't, don't you know
that it's gonna --
gonna kill me"
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3. |
Turd
04:45
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i had a vision of myself
a turd spinning in flushing water
not going down
i think of myself
as not going down
and maybe it's bad
to want to go down
but if i could go somewhere
at least it'd be a sort of conviction
if i could just keep a commitment
maybe i'd be happier
if i could just go down
and not always have such a conniption
every time i make a commitment
maybe i'd be happier
maybe i'd be happier
if i could go down
i had a premonition
about my next life
i was a peanut
and someone cracked me open
but they didn't eat me
i wanna get ate
'cause if i could just be ate
at least then i'd be useful to someone
instead i'm just a peanut all rotten
sitting here and catching dust
if i could just be ate
at least someone might say i was worthy
and who would wanna nurse all this worry
if someone would swallow you
i wish someone would swallow me
then i could go down
and take a peek at your insides
all red and brown
and come out the outside
and be a turd spinning
in flushing water
i wanna go down
'cause if i could go somewhere
at least it'd be a sort of conviction
if i could just keep a commitment
maybe i'd be happier
but i'll never go down
'cause man that would just be way too easy
i'll never kill myself
but live forever
i'll live forever
then maybe i'd be happier
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4. |
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about six months ago
i went into my calendar
and i planned
the rest of my life
i only got two months in
and beyond that i just wrote
"unbounded nameless future"
now we have arrived
in unbounded nameless future
and how could who you are
not be bound up in who you were?
about three days ago
i flipped all the way to the end
and i thought:
"what then?"
that's just where i got tired of
writing those three dumb words out
good bye, mouth
now i have arrived
in unbounded nameless future
and who could my blue heart
not be totally bound up in your hair
a dead deer
eyes steve from
the side of the road
and roadkill
knows more than
steve'll ever know
and somehow
a dog walks
from mountains and gin
and sometimes
how i wish
i were part of him
to be his tail, wagging
to be his tongue, lolling
to be his mouth, waiting
for meat, salivating
he sticks his snout into the carcass
and sinks his tooth into flesh
deer can't scream so she just hardens
her heart and begs the dog to take what's left
"take what's left!"
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5. |
Fresh Pond
06:17
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do you
want to
go see
a movie?
my aunt
runs a
theater
in fresh pond
when i go home
i stare out the window
but all i see sometimes
is the window pane
you claim that i'm not turd
how could i just take your word,
when all i see sometimes
is my own pain?
my dad
calls me
to tell me
he loves me
and why not?
but why should?
were i him
can i say i would?
when i go home
i stare out the window
but all i see sometimes
is the window pane
you claim that i'm not turd
how could i just take your word,
when all that feels real sometimes
is my own shame?
who wouldn't wanna be outwardly directed?
but i can't get over the shape of my skull
and who doesn't sometimes feel totally defective
when for each light that flicks on
i find two shattered bulbs
do you
want to
go see
a movie?
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